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Chapter 1: The roots of the traumas.
One random Tuesday, in the psychologist's waiting room, sat a teenager wearing heavy, high-top boots, a black shirt, a jacket, and dyed hair. Next to him was his mother, who seemed to be his complete opposite. Bob cut, naturally brown hair, cat-eye glasses, a long-sleeved blouse that went up to her neck, a patterned skirt, a cross on her chest, and many tones of beige. They both seemed upset and distant, not even looking each other in the eye. The mother was bothered by her son's recent behavior, which she considered "demonic," and had therefore forced him to go to a consultation. While waiting, the boy seemed to grow increasingly irritated. He reached into his pocket to fiddle with his cell phone and distract himself, but his mother immediately stopped him. This made him even angrier, but luckily, a few minutes later, the psychologist called him in. He stood up from his chair, maintaining the typical posture of a hard to lead teenager, but also sweating with nervousness. Then he looked back at his mother, and she was already glaring at him, as if to say, "Go already, or we'll have a talk at home!" So he finally followed the psychologist and went to her office. When the boy entered the psychologist's office, he immediately assumed a neutral posture to show that he was okay and knew how to deal with his feelings. He sat down with his legs together and his gaze downcast, avoiding eye contact. "Hello, Victor, my name is Lauren! How are you doing? It's a pleasure to finally meet you," asked the kind and friendly psychologist. "...You already know my name?" he asked, a little confused, since it was his first day at the office. "Yes, I do! I know the names of all my patients. So, Victor, what brings you here today?" she asked again, maintaining her friendly posture. "My mom," he replied, directly and curtly. "Oh, I see. Actually, your mother commented on some things about your behavior. Well, would you like to talk about it?" "...Not exactly, but I'd like to know what she told you," he replied, showing some discomfort. "Okay, just a second," said the doctor as she searched for a folder in the drawer. "Here! Well, let's see... Well, Victor, your mother reported that you've been doing rather poorly in school lately and have also become a bit aggressive, according to her. She also said that you're having trouble waking up, going to school, showering, and doing your tasks. Another thing she mentioned is the fact that you became like this was because there was a boy who used to show up at your door almost every day, and suddenly you just stopped talking to him. Do you... want to comment on this?" she asks gently, trying not to be too intrusive in Victor's first therapy session. "She said that...? Of course she did! I'm surprised she didn't mention that one thing..." says Victor, looking even more uncomfortable and somewhat irritated. “Well, do you want to talk about this ‘thing’?” she asks. Victor remains silent, looking nervous and growing increasingly uncomfortable, until his neutral expression begins to change out of his control, and a few tears escape. “Oh, I’m sorry! We don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to…” the psychologist says emphatically, giving Victor time to feel and express his feelings amidst the tears. “…I…I don’t really want to…but I feel I need to. Because…no one remembered him, and those who still remember him, besides me, don’t think of him with the same eyes as I do,” Victor says in a low voice, trying to compose himself. "Are you talking about the boy your mother mentioned...? Did something happen?" the psychologist asks. "...to get to that point, I first need to go back in time... only then will you understand. If you don't mind... it's a long story..." Victor says, in a low, hesitant tone, as if what he's about to tell is truly very difficult. "That's alright, we have time. You can tell me whatever you want, I'm here for that," says the psychologist, maintaining her patient and empathetic posture. "Well... it all started about two years ago... I had just transferred to a new school. It was kinda far from home, but I tried my best to go every day. But one day, I was too late and couldn't get there before the gate closed. I was kinda upset, but I thought with myself, 'Well, that's life! What can I do?' and I started walking back home." On my way, I passed another school. I studied in the afternoon, and by the time I should be in mine, the morning students from that school were leaving. Most had already gone, actually. Then, I heard some low shouts coming from nearby, enough to make me stop and see what was happening. That's when I found him, the boy, being bullied by two bigger guys. I knew they were from that school when I saw their uniforms, and I felt uncomfortable just standing there watching him get kicked and punched in the stomach and face. So, I decided to play the hero, which was partly a bad idea because I ended up with a black eye, but it was also there that... I met the one who would be my first and only true friend. The guys laughed in my face after punching me and seemed to get tired of torturing the poor boy, so they simply left as if nothing had happened. I asked him if he was okay, he seemed a little embarrassed and still in pain, but he said "yes." Then I started walking home again. But suddenly, he stopped me again. The boy who had been bullied came running up to me and asked me to stop for a moment. I was a little confused and asked what he wanted. I think I was a little cold towards him... He thanked me for at least trying to protect him. I said it was okay, and he started walking with me. It was kinda weird at first, until he asked how I was, if my eye hurt. I said not too much, and he seemed kinda relieved. I asked if he was also going home or if he was going to stop at a pharmacy or something. He said he was fine, that he was used to being bullied by other students. But he also said he wasn't going home, he was just going to walk until he found a place where he felt comfortable enough to relax a bit. I wasn't paying much attention to my way home or what was happening; I just asked him why he didn't go home and tell his parents he'd been beaten up. He didn't seem too worried about it, saying his parents weren't either. That's when I realized that this boy was living a peculiar reality. He was so affected by the bullying that he'd gotten used to it. At that point, it wasn't a big deal in his life, just another day. Many things I could have said to him went through my head at that instant, but I ended up staying silent. We continued walking along the same path, without looking at each other or saying anything; it was such a akward situation, I didn't even know why it was happening. Then, at a certain point, I became completely distracted from the way home and got lost. I didn't know that neighborhood well, so I panicked. My cell phone died, and the only thing that came to mind was to ask if he could help me. I swear, that boy lived in a reality I never imagined witnessing one day. When I asked for help finding my way back home, he simply put his hand in his pants and took out his cell phone to check the location. I was shocked by what I saw: he hadn't taken it out of his pocket; it was literally inside his pants. It turns out he always wore baggy, long pants that didn't make it clear what he was hiding there. Because of the bullies he suffered, he stopped keeping things in his pockets and started hiding them in his underwear. Yes, I made an expression of disgust and shock at the same time. Then he explained to me that he wore two layers of underwear and kept his belongings in the first layer, which did not have direct contact with his body. This is still one of the most surprising things I've ever seen in my life. I don't even know how he managed to walk around with a second layer of underwear full of things like his wallet and cell phone. But, yeah, I think I went on too long talking about his underwear, I-I'm sorry... Anyway, I told him where I lived and he offered to walk me home, showing me the way so I wouldn't get lost again. I accepted without hesitation. I mean, it wasn't like he wasn't already following me. I never imagined our paths would cross, but honestly, I can say now that I don't regret it. Then, at a certain point, I stopped for a bit during the walk home and realized I'd already missed class anyway, so why waste that free time coming home early? If my mother saw me arrive early, she'd be angry and complain for hours about how I can't do simple tasks like go to school on time. And even worse, seeing me come home from school with a black eye... She'd become a demon. So, I sat down on the sidewalk, on a deserted street. The boy seemed a little confused, sat down next to me, and asked if I didn't wanted his help anymore. I explained the situation, said I didn't know what to do. I didn't have any money to buy something to cover my black eye and I didn't want to spend the rest of the day listening to complaints. I didn't mention this, but sometimes he didn't even seem real. He was so calm and relaxed in the way he spoke, even having to endure that life. He also had a cute face. Well, I mean... he had long eyelashes and big brown eyes. I know they're the most common and generally not as appreciated as blue and green, but I always found that type of dark brown eye such a beauty... Well, he looked at me and I got lost for a second, observing his features. He left me a little confused about my sexuality. I mean... all my life, up until that moment, I'd had crushes on girls, but now I was feeling something I thought I shouldn't. Well... I was raised in a very Catholic and conservative family, so I was taught, as a boy, that I should desire to have a wife and children. I never really wanted to get married, much less have children... It was just a passing feeling, it passed very quickly. But it was enough to bother me and make me feel ashamed. And... Well... Continuing, he seemed a little apprehensive about what he was going to tell me, but he turned to me and said low, "Listen... I have a secret place you might want to see. It might have something that can help with your hurt eye." I was a little confused, but, well, I didn't know what to do to help myself in that situation, so I asked him where and what that place was. He held my hand, which was another weird moment. His hands were kinda sweaty, but I think it was because he was wearing a hoodie on a sunny day. Anyway, he took me to a place, a few streets away from where we were, and brought me to a place covered in bushes and undergrowth. There was a scaring number of insects, like mosquitoes and ants, as is common in places with dense vegetation. Confused, I asked him what he wanted to do in a place like that, and he asked if I knew how to jump. I said yes, still not understanding where he was going with this. Then he climbed a tall tree and told me to go with him. At that moment, I almost regretted agreeing to it, but I climbed that tree and was surprised by what was behind there... "Well, I'm really invested in your story, Victor! And I'm very proud of you for being able to tell me so much in our first session. But, unfortunately, our time is up for today. We can continue in the next session, in three weeks. I hope you can tell me more about this young man; it seems you have a lot of affection for him, and I really want to know how this relationship began," says the psychologist, attentive to every detail of Victor's story and finishing noting down the day's part on her clipboard. "Well... it seems I end up... talking too much when it comes about him," says Victor, somewhat embarrassed, looking away and holding his arm, now a little more comfortable and easier to lead. But still remaining hesitant to talk about his deepest feelings. "No problem! That's what therapy is for. Here! I loved meeting you, Victor, and I hope that any struggles you're facing in your life will be resolved soon," says the psychologist as she hands Victor a piece of paper with the new date for his next session. "Hm... Thank you," says Victor, still a little awkwardly, as he takes the paper and walks towards the door. "See you soon, Victor!" "Yeah... see you soon too." He turns the doorknob and leaves the office, ending his first day of therapy.
One random Tuesday, in the psychologist's waiting room, sat a teenager wearing heavy, high-top boots, a black shirt, a jacket, and dyed hair. Next to him was his mother, who seemed to be his complete opposite. Bob cut, naturally brown hair, cat-eye glasses, a long-sleeved blouse that went up to her neck, a patterned skirt, a cross on her chest, and many tones of beige. They both seemed upset and distant, not even looking each other in the eye. The mother was bothered by her son's recent behavior, which she considered "demonic," and had therefore forced him to go to a consultation. While waiting, the boy seemed to grow increasingly irritated. He reached into his pocket to fiddle with his cell phone and distract himself, but his mother immediately stopped him. This made him even angrier, but luckily, a few minutes later, the psychologist called him in. He stood up from his chair, maintaining the typical posture of a hard to lead teenager, but also sweating with nervousness. Then he looked back at his mother, and she was already glaring at him, as if to say, "Go already, or we'll have a talk at home!" So he finally followed the psychologist and went to her office. When the boy entered the psychologist's office, he immediately assumed a neutral posture to show that he was okay and knew how to deal with his feelings. He sat down with his legs together and his gaze downcast, avoiding eye contact. "Hello, Victor, my name is Lauren! How are you doing? It's a pleasure to finally meet you," asked the kind and friendly psychologist. "...You already know my name?" he asked, a little confused, since it was his first day at the office. "Yes, I do! I know the names of all my patients. So, Victor, what brings you here today?" she asked again, maintaining her friendly posture. "My mom," he replied, directly and curtly. "Oh, I see. Actually, your mother commented on some things about your behavior. Well, would you like to talk about it?" "...Not exactly, but I'd like to know what she told you," he replied, showing some discomfort. "Okay, just a second," said the doctor as she searched for a folder in the drawer. "Here! Well, let's see... Well, Victor, your mother reported that you've been doing rather poorly in school lately and have also become a bit aggressive, according to her. She also said that you're having trouble waking up, going to school, showering, and doing your tasks. Another thing she mentioned is the fact that you became like this was because there was a boy who used to show up at your door almost every day, and suddenly you just stopped talking to him. Do you... want to comment on this?" she asks gently, trying not to be too intrusive in Victor's first therapy session. "She said that...? Of course she did! I'm surprised she didn't mention that one thing..." says Victor, looking even more uncomfortable and somewhat irritated. “Well, do you want to talk about this ‘thing’?” she asks. Victor remains silent, looking nervous and growing increasingly uncomfortable, until his neutral expression begins to change out of his control, and a few tears escape. “Oh, I’m sorry! We don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to…” the psychologist says emphatically, giving Victor time to feel and express his feelings amidst the tears. “…I…I don’t really want to…but I feel I need to. Because…no one remembered him, and those who still remember him, besides me, don’t think of him with the same eyes as I do,” Victor says in a low voice, trying to compose himself. "Are you talking about the boy your mother mentioned...? Did something happen?" the psychologist asks. "...to get to that point, I first need to go back in time... only then will you understand. If you don't mind... it's a long story..." Victor says, in a low, hesitant tone, as if what he's about to tell is truly very difficult. "That's alright, we have time. You can tell me whatever you want, I'm here for that," says the psychologist, maintaining her patient and empathetic posture. "Well... it all started about two years ago... I had just transferred to a new school. It was kinda far from home, but I tried my best to go every day. But one day, I was too late and couldn't get there before the gate closed. I was kinda upset, but I thought with myself, 'Well, that's life! What can I do?' and I started walking back home." On my way, I passed another school. I studied in the afternoon, and by the time I should be in mine, the morning students from that school were leaving. Most had already gone, actually. Then, I heard some low shouts coming from nearby, enough to make me stop and see what was happening. That's when I found him, the boy, being bullied by two bigger guys. I knew they were from that school when I saw their uniforms, and I felt uncomfortable just standing there watching him get kicked and punched in the stomach and face. So, I decided to play the hero, which was partly a bad idea because I ended up with a black eye, but it was also there that... I met the one who would be my first and only true friend. The guys laughed in my face after punching me and seemed to get tired of torturing the poor boy, so they simply left as if nothing had happened. I asked him if he was okay, he seemed a little embarrassed and still in pain, but he said "yes." Then I started walking home again. But suddenly, he stopped me again. The boy who had been bullied came running up to me and asked me to stop for a moment. I was a little confused and asked what he wanted. I think I was a little cold towards him... He thanked me for at least trying to protect him. I said it was okay, and he started walking with me. It was kinda weird at first, until he asked how I was, if my eye hurt. I said not too much, and he seemed kinda relieved. I asked if he was also going home or if he was going to stop at a pharmacy or something. He said he was fine, that he was used to being bullied by other students. But he also said he wasn't going home, he was just going to walk until he found a place where he felt comfortable enough to relax a bit. I wasn't paying much attention to my way home or what was happening; I just asked him why he didn't go home and tell his parents he'd been beaten up. He didn't seem too worried about it, saying his parents weren't either. That's when I realized that this boy was living a peculiar reality. He was so affected by the bullying that he'd gotten used to it. At that point, it wasn't a big deal in his life, just another day. Many things I could have said to him went through my head at that instant, but I ended up staying silent. We continued walking along the same path, without looking at each other or saying anything; it was such a akward situation, I didn't even know why it was happening. Then, at a certain point, I became completely distracted from the way home and got lost. I didn't know that neighborhood well, so I panicked. My cell phone died, and the only thing that came to mind was to ask if he could help me. I swear, that boy lived in a reality I never imagined witnessing one day. When I asked for help finding my way back home, he simply put his hand in his pants and took out his cell phone to check the location. I was shocked by what I saw: he hadn't taken it out of his pocket; it was literally inside his pants. It turns out he always wore baggy, long pants that didn't make it clear what he was hiding there. Because of the bullies he suffered, he stopped keeping things in his pockets and started hiding them in his underwear. Yes, I made an expression of disgust and shock at the same time. Then he explained to me that he wore two layers of underwear and kept his belongings in the first layer, which did not have direct contact with his body. This is still one of the most surprising things I've ever seen in my life. I don't even know how he managed to walk around with a second layer of underwear full of things like his wallet and cell phone. But, yeah, I think I went on too long talking about his underwear, I-I'm sorry... Anyway, I told him where I lived and he offered to walk me home, showing me the way so I wouldn't get lost again. I accepted without hesitation. I mean, it wasn't like he wasn't already following me. I never imagined our paths would cross, but honestly, I can say now that I don't regret it. Then, at a certain point, I stopped for a bit during the walk home and realized I'd already missed class anyway, so why waste that free time coming home early? If my mother saw me arrive early, she'd be angry and complain for hours about how I can't do simple tasks like go to school on time. And even worse, seeing me come home from school with a black eye... She'd become a demon. So, I sat down on the sidewalk, on a deserted street. The boy seemed a little confused, sat down next to me, and asked if I didn't wanted his help anymore. I explained the situation, said I didn't know what to do. I didn't have any money to buy something to cover my black eye and I didn't want to spend the rest of the day listening to complaints. I didn't mention this, but sometimes he didn't even seem real. He was so calm and relaxed in the way he spoke, even having to endure that life. He also had a cute face. Well, I mean... he had long eyelashes and big brown eyes. I know they're the most common and generally not as appreciated as blue and green, but I always found that type of dark brown eye such a beauty... Well, he looked at me and I got lost for a second, observing his features. He left me a little confused about my sexuality. I mean... all my life, up until that moment, I'd had crushes on girls, but now I was feeling something I thought I shouldn't. Well... I was raised in a very Catholic and conservative family, so I was taught, as a boy, that I should desire to have a wife and children. I never really wanted to get married, much less have children... It was just a passing feeling, it passed very quickly. But it was enough to bother me and make me feel ashamed. And... Well... Continuing, he seemed a little apprehensive about what he was going to tell me, but he turned to me and said low, "Listen... I have a secret place you might want to see. It might have something that can help with your hurt eye." I was a little confused, but, well, I didn't know what to do to help myself in that situation, so I asked him where and what that place was. He held my hand, which was another weird moment. His hands were kinda sweaty, but I think it was because he was wearing a hoodie on a sunny day. Anyway, he took me to a place, a few streets away from where we were, and brought me to a place covered in bushes and undergrowth. There was a scaring number of insects, like mosquitoes and ants, as is common in places with dense vegetation. Confused, I asked him what he wanted to do in a place like that, and he asked if I knew how to jump. I said yes, still not understanding where he was going with this. Then he climbed a tall tree and told me to go with him. At that moment, I almost regretted agreeing to it, but I climbed that tree and was surprised by what was behind there... "Well, I'm really invested in your story, Victor! And I'm very proud of you for being able to tell me so much in our first session. But, unfortunately, our time is up for today. We can continue in the next session, in three weeks. I hope you can tell me more about this young man; it seems you have a lot of affection for him, and I really want to know how this relationship began," says the psychologist, attentive to every detail of Victor's story and finishing noting down the day's part on her clipboard. "Well... it seems I end up... talking too much when it comes about him," says Victor, somewhat embarrassed, looking away and holding his arm, now a little more comfortable and easier to lead. But still remaining hesitant to talk about his deepest feelings. "No problem! That's what therapy is for. Here! I loved meeting you, Victor, and I hope that any struggles you're facing in your life will be resolved soon," says the psychologist as she hands Victor a piece of paper with the new date for his next session. "Hm... Thank you," says Victor, still a little awkwardly, as he takes the paper and walks towards the door. "See you soon, Victor!" "Yeah... see you soon too." He turns the doorknob and leaves the office, ending his first day of therapy.
