Unwanted

[therealtrash]

I'm not feeling welcome in my own home. Recently, I've had some stressful problems with my family, mainly with my brother. I've tried to relieve the stress by focusing on my hobbies, like writing and watching some of my comfort channels, but I don't think I can escape this for much longer. I don't hate my whole family, but I feel that the love some of them show me isn't genuine. If I expressed who I really am to my family, many would see me in different way, a cold and cruel way. So, I feel like a stranger in my own family. I don't like when they talk to me because I feel like I'm intruding where I'm not welcome. I know there are people who truly love me, like my sister and my mother, but even so, I feel there's a barrier between us. I feel lonely. I really enjoy going out. Many places that aren't my home have become better to me recently, just because they're not my home. though I also don't feel 100% welcome in those places; maybe it's just imposter syndrome. But I know there are people who are bothered by my presence. My brother has made it clear several times that my birth was unwanted, and damn it! I know that, man, you don't need to keep repeating it, I got it! I'm not this dumb lol. Anyway, I like being alone in my cozy corner (my room) with my beloved son (my cat), but I feel like I've developed a comfort with isolation, and that's not going well for me. I'm trying to break free from my toxic comfort of suffering alone, but I'm so tired of everything man! The internet can be really bad sometimes and make my day worse, but it can also comfort me, knowing that somewhere there's someone else going through similar problems. and that makes me feel a little more understood, a little more determined to overcome my own problems myself. It's kinda funny that a stranger on the other side of the world understands me better than some people I live lol.

Anyway, if you read this, thank you for taking some of your time to listen to my rant. I'll get well soon, don't worry! I still have hope that things can get better, even for an unwanted child like me.