50 shots to my head

[therealtrash]

I feel so powerless and disgusted in this body. I don't want to sound misogynistic, but this body is just pathetic and there's no way I love such a thing. I'd rather live as a maggot than like this. I'm starting to hate myself more and more, and I feel purgatory calling me. I'm stressed, I hate being trans and I don't want to like it. As I said before, I see no reason to be proud or happy. I saw a person identifying as he/him, even without having transitioned, with a 100% feminine appearance and wearing a traditionally feminine dress that showed their breasts. Like, bro, how do you want people to see you as a man? To be recognized as a trans person in society, you need, at the very least, to make a social transition, however small the change may be. Do you understand? It's not about passability or having the approval of others, but about showing that you are who you say you are. You don't need to be extremely masculine, but that feminine haircut + that dress that shows your feminine body + the fact that you haven't changed ANYTHING in your social life, nothing! And you choose to express yourself this way! You chose it, nobody is forcing you, you're a grown adult, you live alone and you're free to make your own choices!! Seriously, it seems like you're trying to fool this community into thinking we're all idiots!! And the worst part is that some people don't even care! Like that person who claimed to be a trans woman a few years ago in Brazil and tried to use the women's restroom with a full beard and some people defend it! (They're currently a little more into feminine expression) Like, I'm 100% in favor of trans people having the right to use the restroom, it's basic! But, honey, nobody's thinking like that! Nobody will see you as a woman if you express yourself with such a masculine characteristic! These people are making our rights, which are already threatened, even more difficult. That pisses me off! I'm not saying you're going to do something wrong to those women in the bathroom, I'm talking about RECOGNIZING that how you express yourself matters when you live in society and nobody is in your head to know that you're a trans woman and that you don't have bad intentions! Pride doesn't mean accepting everyone who wants to take advantage of community support and social projects created to help minorities like trans people without actually transitioning! Like, are we idiots??? Some people are being fooled into thinking they're idiots! I hate who I am, and seeing people doing this shit makes me want to kill myself even more. Like, it pisses me off to see people pretending to be who they're not and saying they're proud of it, while I'm fighting to kill myself every day! Like, of course you feel proud and love your body, you don't live anything I'm living right now! It's not about hating yourself, but can yall understand my point??? Is being kind the same as being stupid now??? Please, say yall see the clearly fooling of SOME people too! I think I'll never have contact with a large part of the LGBTQIA+ community again, for the sake of my mental health. In three days they'll find my mutilled body in the floor of my room, I fear how it's walking to be true day by day. hate myself, hate being like I am, I hate, HATE IT SO MUCH! I would bring the literal hell to this world just to end this suffer.